For Me, a Man, What are the Benefits of Sexual Purity?

Why should a man delay sex until he says, "I do"? What is there to gain by that old-fashioned, outdated notion that some would rather relegate to the dinosaur stage of human civilization?

Here are some of the benefits I have heard few guys speak about as they experiment with sexual purity.

1. Trust; Trustworthiness. The woman he is dating will begin to trust him as the guy who is not likely to have sex with someone he is not married: "If he is not doing it with me," the lady may reason, "it unlikely that he will do it with another woman who's not his wife." This reality lays the foundation and becomes the building block of a long-term relationship, because sexual purity before the wedding could lead to sexual purity after the wedding, though there is no guarantee that it is always the case.

2. Deeper Relationship and Friendship. The guy will delve into deeper knowledge of his date or fiance. Because sex is no longer his instant goal for his relationship with this woman, the guy is likely to explore the complex glories of the female. This change in focus feeds into strengthening friendship as the primary bond of the relationship. With his eyes not fixed on the girl's blouse, breasts or bottom, the guy can now lift his gaze and reach for the distant horizons of this complex being he needs to become a student of. When a guy front-loads his relationship with sex, he quickly loses genuine interest beyond infatuation and sensual gratification. Having made the catch and wrapped up the hunt, the guy soon gets bored with the object of his pursuit. You see, sex is intended to be the trophy beyond the finished line of the relational journey between male and female. When the trophy is awarded before the race is done, premarital sex often clogs up a man's vision to see a woman beyond physical beauty and first impressions, far beneath the apparent and superficial.

3. Self-Control. A man who restrains his sex drive becomes master of his spirit, soul and body. He is truly the man who is in control, who takes charge. And his date or fiance gets the impression that if this guy can control one of the strongest urges of man....his sex drive....he will be able to control other strong desires like impulsive anger, rash spending, etc. It is interesting how interlinked those desires are: a guy who is sexually impulsive is likely to be sexually impulsive as well. I haven't done the research and crunched the numbers on this one, but I'm pretty sure of the link between the stewardship of sex and money.

4. Avoidance of a sexually transmitted disease (STD). It is possible the lady the marries may have an STD, but the guy won't have to guess where he got the disease from, since he has not been sexually all over the place.

5. Credibility for sex education. There is a reason why parents don't let their kids get sex education from a prostitute or womanizer. The sexually pure guy will be found credible when speaking to young people, including his own children, about sexually responsible behavior that goes beyond choosing the right of kind of condom or birth control drug. If he himself has been slipping and sliding around sexually, if he has failed to cap his sex drive, he's really in a weak spot to guide any young person regarding sexual responsibility. And he will be the first to know it.

6. Devotion to monogamy. Through sexual purity the guy disciplines himself to be content within a monogamous relationship. He prepares and trains himself to become and remain a one-woman man. His wife will cherish that for years to come.

7. Sexual restraint within marriage. After the wedding, there will soon come days and nights that Husband may be in the mood for sex but Wife may be physically exhausted, psychologically unprepared or emotionally flat. That's when the groom who has become master of his body will be able to apply the brakes, curbing his desire for sex any time of day or night, regardless of how sizzling his body chemistry. Without the ability and skill of sexual restraint, a husband denied sex by his wife is likely to become enraged with or resentful of his wife. Then he may resort to acting really stupid. Like reducing himself to a sex animal. But with the prowess of restraint, he will not resort to sneaking in on his wife against her will, forcing her, overpowering her, or raping his own wife as some married men do. (There are probably more martial rapes going on than married couples will admit, primarily because of men who have zero tolerance for sexual restraint!)

8. Holistic life. The man who is not obsessed with sex with this girl right now has the power to continue crafting the other pieces to his life: education, career, work, sports, faith, finance, volunteer work, his current family and friends, etc. These other pieces of his life will eventually pour into and edify the precious relationship he has with his date or fiance. If they end up getting married, their marriage will be stronger for it. If their relationship ends prior to marriage, no one will feel cheated or exploited, and the fallout from the breakup may be less depressing or traumatic. One does not have to start from scratch, or go and "get a life"; one already has a life, of which the failed relationship was only one aspect.

9. Treasured woman. If the guy is consistent in postponing sex until marriage, his lady, if she's a good girl, will reach the right conclusion with time. At first, she may think, depending on her prior relationships with other men, "Why hasn't he come on to me yet? Why won't he have sex with me like the previous guys? Doesn't he find me attractive?" But as she takes in his sustained interest in her, she will correctly conclude, "This guy doesn't just want me for sex. He really loves me for who I am, my hidden and more precious qualities. His interest goes beyond my satisfying his sexual cravings and fancies. This guy is different, better than all the rest!"

Do we men realize how often a woman feels like an exploited piece of trash, even right after a sexual encounter? On the contrary a woman feels like prized treasure when she knows her man wants her more than he wants sex with her. It is when she feels treasured that a good woman will fully yield herself for the highest sexual pleasure a guy, preferably her husband, can dream of.

Let me conclude by saying, sexual purity will not only benefit a man as well as benefit the woman in his life, it also offers benefits for society as a whole. Any culture or society that teaches boys to be sexually pure....not just condom masters....will reap fruits of less promiscuity, fewer teenage pregnancies, fewer rapes including date rapes and marital rapes, fewer sexual molestation of girls and boys, fewer instances of sex slaves, prostitution, pedophilia, and other forms of deviant sexual conduct. ~mogama~