Why should a man delay sex until he
says, "I do"? What is there to gain by that old-fashioned,
outdated notion that some would rather relegate to the dinosaur stage
of human civilization?
Here are some of the benefits I have
heard few guys speak about as they experiment with sexual purity.
1. Trust; Trustworthiness. The
woman he is dating will begin to trust him as the guy who is not
likely to have sex with someone he is not married: "If he is not
doing it with me," the lady may reason, "it unlikely that
he will do it with another woman who's not his wife." This
reality lays the foundation and becomes the building block of a
long-term relationship, because sexual purity before the
wedding could lead to sexual purity after the wedding, though
there is no guarantee that it is always the case.
2. Deeper Relationship and
Friendship. The guy will delve into deeper knowledge of his date
or fiance. Because sex is no longer his instant goal for his
relationship with this woman, the guy is likely to explore the
complex glories of the female. This change in focus feeds into
strengthening friendship as the primary bond of the relationship.
With his eyes not fixed on the girl's blouse, breasts or bottom, the
guy can now lift his gaze and reach for the distant horizons of this
complex being he needs to become a student of. When a guy front-loads
his relationship with sex, he quickly loses genuine interest beyond
infatuation and sensual gratification. Having made the catch and
wrapped up the hunt, the guy soon gets bored with the object of his
pursuit. You see, sex is intended to be the trophy beyond the
finished line of the relational journey between male and female. When
the trophy is awarded before the race is done, premarital sex often
clogs up a man's vision to see a woman beyond physical beauty and
first impressions, far beneath the apparent and superficial.
3. Self-Control. A man who
restrains his sex drive becomes master of his spirit, soul and body.
He is truly the man who is in control, who takes charge. And his date
or fiance gets the impression that if this guy can control one of the
strongest urges of man....his sex drive....he will be able to control
other strong desires like impulsive anger, rash spending, etc. It is
interesting how interlinked those desires are: a guy who is sexually
impulsive is likely to be sexually impulsive as well. I haven't done
the research and crunched the numbers on this one, but I'm pretty
sure of the link between the stewardship of sex and money.
4. Avoidance of a sexually
transmitted disease (STD). It is possible the lady the marries
may have an STD, but the guy won't have to guess where he got the
disease from, since he has not been sexually all over the place.
5. Credibility for sex education.
There is a reason why parents don't let their kids get sex education
from a prostitute or womanizer. The sexually pure guy will be found
credible when speaking to young people, including his own children,
about sexually responsible behavior that goes beyond choosing the
right of kind of condom or birth control drug. If he himself has been
slipping and sliding around sexually, if he has failed to cap his sex
drive, he's really in a weak spot to guide any young person regarding
sexual responsibility. And he will be the first to know it.
6. Devotion to monogamy. Through
sexual purity the guy disciplines himself to be content within a
monogamous relationship. He prepares and trains himself to become and
remain a one-woman man. His wife will cherish that for years to come.
7. Sexual restraint within marriage.
After the wedding, there will soon come days and nights that
Husband may be in the mood for sex but Wife may be physically
exhausted, psychologically unprepared or emotionally flat. That's
when the groom who has become master of his body will be able to
apply the brakes, curbing his desire for sex any time of day or
night, regardless of how sizzling his body chemistry. Without the
ability and skill of sexual restraint, a husband denied sex by his
wife is likely to become enraged with or resentful of his wife. Then
he may resort to acting really stupid. Like reducing himself to a sex
animal. But with the prowess of restraint, he will not resort to
sneaking in on his wife against her will, forcing her, overpowering
her, or raping his own wife as some married men do. (There are
probably more martial rapes going on than married couples will admit,
primarily because of men who have zero tolerance for sexual
restraint!)
8. Holistic life. The man who is
not obsessed with sex with this girl right now has the power to
continue crafting the other pieces to his life: education, career,
work, sports, faith, finance, volunteer work, his current family and
friends, etc. These other pieces of his life will eventually pour
into and edify the precious relationship he has with his date or
fiance. If they end up getting married, their marriage will be
stronger for it. If their relationship ends prior to marriage, no one
will feel cheated or exploited, and the fallout from the breakup may
be less depressing or traumatic. One does not have to start from
scratch, or go and "get a life"; one already has a life, of
which the failed relationship was only one aspect.
9. Treasured woman. If the guy
is consistent in postponing sex until marriage, his lady, if she's a
good girl, will reach the right conclusion with time. At first, she
may think, depending on her prior relationships with other men, "Why
hasn't he come on to me yet? Why won't he have sex with me like the
previous guys? Doesn't he find me attractive?" But as she takes
in his sustained interest in her, she will correctly conclude, "This
guy doesn't just want me for sex. He really loves me for who I am, my
hidden and more precious qualities. His interest goes beyond my
satisfying his sexual cravings and fancies. This guy is different,
better than all the rest!"
Do we men realize how often a woman
feels like an exploited piece of trash, even right after a sexual
encounter? On the contrary a woman feels like prized treasure when
she knows her man wants her more than he wants sex with her. It is
when she feels treasured that a good woman will fully yield herself
for the highest sexual pleasure a guy, preferably her husband, can
dream of.
Let me conclude by saying, sexual
purity will not only benefit a man as well as benefit the woman in
his life, it also offers benefits for society as a whole. Any culture
or society that teaches boys to be sexually pure....not just condom
masters....will reap fruits of less promiscuity, fewer teenage
pregnancies, fewer rapes including date rapes and marital rapes,
fewer sexual molestation of girls and boys, fewer instances of sex
slaves, prostitution, pedophilia, and other forms of deviant sexual
conduct. ~mogama~
